Ready for Love

Hi Walter, 

Long time reader, first time asking for advice. I want to ask you about love. All of my friends are in relationships, all of them. I’m not even exaggerating. Love just doesn’t seem to find me. I thought it would come if I lost weight, if I took better care of myself, if I started to love me more, I even asked a tarot reader. Love doesn’t seem to find me. I’m starting to give up. I’m black, lesbian and I live in LA. I hate to compare myself to others but it’s hard not too when everyone else seems to be in a relationship and I’m not. I’ve been single for 2.5 years. I used to never worry about it but I now I feel even more lonely. I don’t know what to do. I thought I was attractive and I even see girls dating less than attractive girls than me but I’m still the one that’s single. I’m not sure what do. 


A Girl Waiting For Love 

Dear A Girl Waiting For Love,

Sounds like you’re ready for love like India.Arie. And you have waited long enough.  A lot of single subscribe to the philosophy of not looking for love, hoping love will find them. Clearly, that old adage is not holding up. Its time to flip the script. Let’s making looking for love your full-time job without quitting your current one. And no, I’m not suggesting you turn tricks. But put yourself out there like you’re making money honey.

There’s a woman who quit her job for a year to look for love. She scoured the globe.  She even wrote a book about it. But she comes from a place of enormous privilege. You don’t need to move to India like Julia Roberts did in Eat, Pray, Love. And she even gained weight! I don’t think you have to leave your city, much less your state and country, to find someone to fall in love with.

Go to places where girls who like girls be. Whether bars, clubs, malls, churches, lounges, or online. All of your friends are in a relationship? Where did they find their partners? No one has friends, cousins, or co-workers looking for love? Turn La La Land into Candy Land, your own preverbal playground.

And if you find that people aren’t going out like they used too, perhaps a dating app may do. You don’t even have to leave the house. Just master the art of the selfie. I have a friend who met her fiancé on a dating app. She suggests Her and Plenty of Fish. They are not only free but have a plethora of options for potential dates. Try to avoid those who are only looking for sex. Although, if it’s been a while since you had any, feel free to indulge. I won’t judge you.

I would start messaging people, screen potentials over the phone, and go on dates weekly. You should juggle and mix it up until you narrow it down. Also, let’s scrub any social media pages of any self-effacing monologues after too manly glasses of wine. Or am I the only one who does that?

And if that doesn’t work try converting “straight” girls. A few make-out sessions are certainly good for the self-esteem. That could help you get your mojo back.

The problem a lot of people have when starving for a relationship, they want to binge on any instant relationship in the vicinity. That’s not exactly practical.

Leave the binging to Netflix. Just begin again with dating. You don’t have to get married tomorrow. But you should be able to set up a promising first date within a couple of weeks.

Spring has sprung honey, and the birds are chirping, and the homeless are humming. Put on that red dress and find you someone new to miss.



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