Why Are People So Obsessed with Sex?

Dear Walter: 

I don’t know if this counts as asking for advice, but do you believe sex is just physical? And why are we so obsessed with sex as people?

-Obsessed With Sex

Dear Obsessed With Sex:

Sex is both physical and psychological because of the intimacy and danger associated with the act. Oh yes, sex is quite dangerous. You’re opening yourself to another person both physically and emotionally. From STD’s to falling in love the risks are there.

It’s quite powerful.

But according to our studies, it’s safer to have sex than not. I think people become so obsessed because they are addicted to the thrill. It’s like a drug. The endorphins and serotonin it releases. The risks and rewards contribute to the excitement which can lead to obsession.

Love,

Walter


Dear Walter:

Why is not having sex dangerous?

-Too Scared For Sex

Dear Too Scared For Sex

Not having sex can lead to erectile dysfunction, depression, anxiety, an increase in insecurities, and it ruins relationships. And you’re more susceptible to colds and the flu.

Love,

Walter


Dear Walter:

Do you feel that we harm ourselves when hooking up instead of dating?

-Hooked Up

Dear Hooked Up:

I think it’s better to know more about the people we have sex with.

When you’re just hooking up, you lose the ability to connect. It’s kind of like texting, where a text message is not a conversation.

Love,

Walter


Dear Walter: 

I’ve been in a relationship for about 10 years. OK, I have insecurities and trust issues. My current partner, we have been together a long time.

A few years back we discussed marriage and I felt that counseling would be a good idea to kind of prepare. He didn’t think it was necessary and for some reason, the topic of secrets came up:  Whether we had any secrets the other didn’t know about.

You know forget all that…or maybe let me switch directions.

Ok, my main issue with my partner is that he doesn’t allow me to touch him. Like in the sense of rubbing on him or even foreplay. When we are about to have sex he somehow let me know he’s in the mood, and we just get right to it.

While I enjoy the spontaneity, sometimes I feel like a fuck. I’ve addressed this issue in the past but at present, it hasn’t really changed.

How should I approach him about more foreplay without turning him off? Or what if there’s a deeper issue as to why he doesn’t like being touched? 

-Feeling Untouched

Dear Feeling Untouched: 

First, let’s discuss why foreplay is important. Foreplay helps to maintain intimacy, which is important in a relationship as long as yours. It also enhances the sexual experience, leading to better orgasms. So you need it!

Sex is the barometer of a relationship. It really shows how things are going, If the thrill is gone it really speaks to a lack of passion in your relationship.

Part of the problem is that couples only want to see what they want to see in their partners. And that can carry over to the bedroom. For example, if you think he’s lazy and annoying then those feelings will carry over when you’re having sex.

When you’re in a sexually committed relationship then you are obligated to please each other the way you guys like to be pleased. If your partner is treating sex as a chore, then it’s time for some spice in the bedroom.

Why doesn’t he like to be touch? When has this change started? Could it be a lack of confidence on his part? Or yours? Are you guys still attracted to each other? And was there foreplay in the beginning?

Love, 

Walter

Follow Up

Dear Walter: 

In the beginning, I felt there were fewer restrictions but I don’t ever really remember us engaging in foreplay.

I own my responsibility as far as initially we would do different positions and have some variety but then came moments where I wouldn’t be in the mood for sex and then sex became a chore for me I think because of my insecurities about what I can do sexually.

And over time I think that caused him to become less engaged.  But as for me touching him, I think that’s always been that way.

When I touch him he always says he ticklish or something but I don’t believe that.

-Feeling Untouched

Dear Feeling Untouched:

I’m glad to hear from you again. 10 years is a little long to be looking for a change. How we show our love (it’s called the 5 love languages) is connected through childhood. And maybe his family wasn’t that affectionate. Maybe he prefers to show his love in another way?

Also, you may be feeling this way because there’s something lacking in your relationship. Experimenting and exploring your sexuality is fun. And you should do that.

Sounds like you two are expressing your intimacy and two different ways. But clearly, you love each other and that’a most important. But relationships are about compromises.

Give and take.

I wish you two the best.

Love, 

Walter

Send your love and sex advice questions to asklovewalter@gmail.com. Or tweet me at @LoveWalterHQ

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