I have a question for you. Gay and over 40. How do you find love?
-Gay and over 40
Dear Gay and over 40:
I’m not going to pretend to know your story or tell you I’m some all knowing oracle. But I will try and answer your question. If you want love you have to give love. As someone under 30 and in love with someone over 40—it’s possible.
Love starts like everything else—at the beginning. Love has the highest stakes. It is often misguided, misused, and misunderstood. But it’s also our greatest human emotion. I learn how to love (and not to) through childhood. I’m the oldest of six kids and once my mother’s favorite until I wasn’t. And with my deadbeat dad out of the picture, I searched for a father figure to fill that void.
It started with my first love at 17 who died three years later—a devastation I’ve only revealed through writing after a decade. But he wasn’t a good boyfriend. He lied and cheated. And I loved him anyway.
Love can be a losing game—but you can’t win if you don’t play. When it happens, it will feel like hitting the lottery. An event so rare, one may think they don’t deserve love. But we all deserve it. And when you find it reciprocated, you may be tempted to smother it by holding on too tight, because it feels so good.
I fell in love with a man in the middle of a divorce, whose reluctance for anything serious weighed on me. Not to mention his mood swings changed like underwear.
But he’s more than that. He’s funny and fantastic, supportive and sexy. His kisses are everything. And he’s the only man who tolerates my snoring. You can have that too—your very own version of it. Stupid Cupid doesn’t make house calls honey. So you have to put your self out there. Whether it’s at clubs, bars, cars, dating apps, grocery stores, sporting events, wine tastings, or meet up groups.
He’s out there—your imperfect person awaits in the midst. And it’s your job to find him.
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