When Is It Right to Get Married?

 

Dear Walter:
I’m gay male. Can I ask your opinion on how soon you think is too soon to ask someone to marry you? We both have had open conversations about it, and know what each other want in a wedding. We just had our 6 month anniversary, and we live together now. At any rate, I bought the ring because he’s always mentioning it but when I talked to one of his friends/coworkers he thinks it’s too soon. Now, I’m debating to take it back? I know lots of stories of people getting married after 3 months and being happy and stay married but no, I’m just so confused and nervous. 
—Dying To Get Married
Dear Dying To Get Married:
Oh wow! Congratulations on your six-month anniversary. Let’s quantify a half a year:  a semester in college, half a season of network television, or a milestone for a sober chip.
I do understand that you want to make the right choice. But getting down on your knees this time will take on new meaning. Why the sense of urgency to rush through your relationship? Ask yourself why you need to be married? Is for love? Is it financial? Or is it to ensure your relationship remains exclusive?
Years ago, I was on the precipice of presenting my prenuptial agreement. Alcohol and domestic disputes colored my relationship like a giant tattoo. Let’s not dampen your mood with my emotional baggage. Even though, I had a Saks-sized bag of bullshit.
I think a year would be the perfect time to pop the question. And you can do it around you actual anniversary. The holidays have a way of enhancing relationships. You’re are on the precipice of many firsts: New Years and Valentine’s Day. I would get through that first.
But if you can’t wait to set the date. Then do it. This shift will change everything. Maybe there’s such a thing as a happy ending.
Love,
Walter
Send your love and sex advice questions to asklovewalter@gmail.com. Or tweet me at @LoveWalterHQ

 

Comments

  1. Michael Joyce

    Hello there
    I recently got married to my husband Mike July 1st 2017. Mike is 66y/o and I am 40y/o, a 26 year difference. We have physically been together 5 months, but known each other over 17 years. Mike lived in Cleveland OH and I lived in Atlanta GA. We met on a website called Bear411, we started chatting, then emailing, and eventually phone. We both are musicians, so after the wow he is handsome, our musical interest is why we stayed in contact. Then we both had our recovery/sober history in-common for different substances, neither of us drink or do drugs. After years of talking, Mike moved from Cleveland OH, to San Francisco CA Bay area in 2004, in 2012 I moved back to NJ. Now remember Mike and I have never physically met, just phone calls and Skype here and there. Sex hardly ever came into the conversation except little things like I’d love to kiss and cuddle, or I so could use a long hug and a shoulder to cry on. We would joke about finally meeting and marriage a bunch of times over the years.

    In Feb 2016 Mike had a knee replacement surgery and then March 2016 he was moving, he lost his phone and his gmail/facebook accounts hacked. He lost every contact number/email he had. I sent him email’s/facebook messages and called his phone. His phone number was no longer active, emails bounced back and FB messages never seen or answered. I kept sending messages and trying to call for a few months. Finally I really went digging and looking for Mike, I posted a message on his Facebook wall “Mike are you ok, I am worried to death, please get a hold of me”. One of Mike’s friends sent me a message telling me he had a new Facebook account and sent me the link.

    I sent Mike a friends request and a message, less then 5 minutes he accepted and replied. 30min later we were on the phone together. That is when I knew, I had stronger feelings for him then I thought I did. In October 2016 I went on vacation to Germany to see family and did not spend as much money as I had panned. We started to Skype again and we would Skype for up to 6 hours just talking, watching the same thing on TV and helping each other with ms word/publisher documents. October 16th i bought me a plane ticket for our birthday, Mike’s is Oct 17, mine is Oct 14, and on Jan 9th-18th 2017, I flew from Philadelphia to San Francisco. When Mike picked me up outside the airport, that was where we gave each other our first hug and kiss, and I knew instantly then i wanted to spend my life with him. The visit was the most amazing time I have ever spent with anyone. Jan 10th became our “Christmas day” we planned it that way. When Mike dropped me off at the airport on Jan 18th, watching him drive away was the hardest thing I had to deal with other than my dad’s passing. I cried just as much, I so wanted to drop my bag and run after him.

    When I went back to work and handed them my notice that March 11th was my last day. The date Mike and I agreed on. Work how ever did everything they could but fire me to make me leave earlier. They did kind of fired me, but since i handed in my notice, they just told me that Jan 27th was my last day I was needed. I arrived in CA on Feb 1st with everything I had (did not have much as I moved back home to help take care of dad, so I sold a lot of things when I left Atlanta). On Feb 14th 2017 “valentines day”, I got down on one knee and asked Mike to marry me, and Mike said “Yes” with tears steaming down his face. July 1st we got married, and our relationship gets stronger and stronger every day.

    Mike and I are so spiritually connected that we can sense and feel what the other is thinking, feeling etc. We will say the same phrase at the same moment, ether of us will come out of the other room with something for the other, and that is what the other was thinking about getting, be it a drink, toothpick, q-tip, or what ever. We both enjoy doing so much with each other, but also give each other a little space to do something they want to do alone. We are committed and monogamous with each other. I took his last name as mine, and now we both have the same name “first and last”, yes we both have the same first name of Mike, and now I have his last name. . Everything is fun with each other, laundry, cleaning, road trips, music, etc.

    Now to answer your question, “When is it time to get married?” , no one can answer that, there is no time frame on your relationship when it’s time to marry. It is how you two feel about each other, as getting married is mutual, you both have to feel the same way. He may have been hurt in the past or something and does not want to go through that, and wants to be sure you are “The One”. He may love you but feel that it’s to early, some relationships take longer to fully get to know each other. I got lucky with Mike, since we have known each other for so many years, before finally meeting. We knew so much about each other, that it just felt right for both of us. We love each other more and more each day. You both will know when it’s the right time to say I do. Do not take it personally if he is not ready, he may want to wait for a special day to ask you, or just need to be sure. But it’s a mutual feeling when you know it will be time. I hope it works out for you and you find that man to walk down that isle and say I do.
    Peace
    Michael

  2. Gamal Marwan

    Hi,I check your new stuff named “When Is It Right to Get Married? – Love, Walter” on a regular basis.Your writing style is witty, keep doing what you’re doing! And you can look our website about Gamal Marwan.

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